Posted by: gljcm2 | February 3, 2003

Feb. 2003 Update: And Life Goes On

It is amazing to return to this site after a year and revisit a part of me! Within this site I can recall the situations and issues that occured during a very small time period in my life and yet have had a significant impact upon it. In reading these pages I realize how far I have come – from hopelessness, frustration, and despair, through regaining hope, to actually feeling in control of my life once again. And needless to say, it’s a wonderful feeling.

Today I continue working on the crisis line although I now do only 2 per month. My volunteer work as Education Coordinator has taken up more time and involved training new educators who will go out and spread our very important message. It has allowed me to create new presentations, address wonderful groups of children and adults, and most importantly provided me with an opportunity to regain my sense of passion and purpose in life.

At 48, a full three years after creating this website, I still have things I search for, and yet I believe that as long as we are searching, we are actively living. I am very content with my work, and healthwise, recently experienced the highest iron levels in my blood. In fact, they were so high that I thought there must have been a mistake and I was given someone else’s results! What an awesome feeling to find out that these were really mine.

Having visited the school where I taught a number of times over the past 3 years, I recognize that the incredibly high energy level required of teachers is no longer possible for me and so it is good that I am able to take this time and use it for other passions in my life I miss having my “kids” at school, and yet have wonderful opportunities to return on occasion to teach their human sexuality classes and to offer the presentations from our centre. It’s like “going home” and yet, it no longer feels like home. I have truly moved on. I am different, and so is my life. But different is good!

My front garden continues to be my sanctuary and yet my intuition tells me this year I will change it. Where it initially was a place of quiet peace with flowers chosen for solace, I am now excited about adding more vibrant colors. Colors that show the passion and energy which are returning to my life. Yes, it will still be a sanctuary, but one with an energy that matches my own. Many times over this past three years I have walked through my place of peace and regained my sense of balance on a difficult day. The flowers, fountain, stone bench and angel statues were the sanctuary for soothing my soul.

A new quest fills my heart and mind these days. I long for connection; to feel alive and vibrant. I want to experience new things, meet new people, travel to different places. With children almost grown as well as more time and energy, I realize there is so much potential to grow. And the outlook is so positive. I am aware of the potential in every day now and that it is up to me to use each one wisely.

So, these last few years have seen much change. Thanks to this journal I can more easily remember “the me that used to be.” Although I did not write often, the moments within Chrysalis were moments of deep felt emotion, enscribed here to mark a path. No, the journey is no where near over… but this marker along the way will help me remember from whence I came and what I experienced getting here. The butterfly is free….

Thank you for sharing these moments and please remember this:




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