Posted by: gljcm2 | March 8, 2009

On Babies, birthdays and bereavement

Today is a special day – beautiful yet bittersweet.  Twenty four years ago today my daughter was born. How I longed for this wee girl.  She came into our lives full of life and grew into an independent, strong, creative, vivacious young woman. She was our first lesson in how different children from the same two parents can be.  And as she grew it was easy to see she was definitely alot like me.

She was the one who at 4 told us she had been adopted. Apparently her mother, a drunk, had put her on a greyhound bus and sent her to us from “Hawi-oh”. Years later she still loved to tell that story, leading other mothers to ask me if this could possibly be true that she was adopted. She thought that part was really funny!

She is persistence personified.   Like the bull facing the matador  she focused her attention on the beauty and the challenges in music, drama, sports, school, and friends – doing her best in everything she did.  From the lead in Oklahoma to winning singing trophies at festivals; from being co captain of the basketball team to co managing the mens volleyball team; from creating the grad powerpoint to working with the seniors in a local lodge, she filled her time and her mind with a broad range of activities.

And I recall the beauty of her spirit as well, remembering her joy at 4 for another child’s success even when it meant that she did not win.  I recall her at 16 asking me, “Should I buy a stereo for my car or should I “buy” my foster child now?” She chose the foster child and to this day, 8 years later, she continues to financially support that same little girl who is now in her teens. And she is the young woman who bought flowers for a friend’s mother who was dying of cancer; took a senior from the lodge where she worked for a car ride in her car when she bought it and did so many other things that we never heard about.

She was not perfect, as none of us are. She faced the pressures of being a teenager and managed to get caught the first time she got drunk, the time her friend crashed a car, the time she backtalked a teacher. But she learned from those lessons and was possibly better for it.

Today she is 24, living so far away, and we are not as close as I would like. That is the bittersweet part. Longing for a mother daughter relationship filled with love and respect, sometimes I experience a wave of sadness. Somewhere along the way we lost our bond. I will continue to hope and search for it. That wee girl that I gave birth to so many years ago is a huge part of my heart and always will be, no matter how far away in distance or feelings. I love you my sweet girl.


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