Posted by: gljcm2 | May 24, 2009

New Learnings and a Sad Day

One can not breathe without learning new things. We may be resistant to acknowledging them, but they are there and waiting to lead us forward or backward if we choose to contemplate them.

Today I am at the acreage. My goal was to clean out more of the weeds that grew last summer due to neglect and to start planting the beautiful new blooms that I had chosen for this year. But as I sprayed for weeds, and raked out old growth, I became aware of something profound.

Here I am again working on my own when one of my strongest passions is to share with someone the goals, the work, the enjoyment of living. I love to garden. I love the acreage in all it’s beauty. But the beauty is fast disappearing without the conmbined effort that is required for the upkeep of 3 acres. Those new to our home would see the beautiful park like setting down the hill; a garden dpoy out in back which surrounds an old wooden wagon, and the pond area which used to have a flowing stream and fountain, and tiny purple flowers bordering it. At one time they could have walked my sanctuary garden across the front of the house with it’s stone paths, bird feeder, gazing ball and variety of colorful flowers. But much of this has gone due to the passing of time. Weeds are replacing flowers and heaving has wrecked the pond. So much potential but what does one do.

Today Garry is working at John and Haley’s, creating a wonderful play centre in their yard, just as he did here on the acreage for our children 20 years ago. The girls will love it; I know it will be well used. What he is doing is important, but it means there is no time to help here. Meanwhile on the acreage the play centres wood is decaying with time, and quack grass grows abundantly in the sand below. It reminds me of my time in Mexico – me working on a house there while Garry worked at his neice’s house in Red Deer. Today he works in town while I work at the acreage. I miss the sharing; the working together. But when I look back that particular part of our life has been gone for a few years now. That makes me sad, but it also makes me look a second time at the guilt I have experienced over being in Mexico and making choices that worked for me. So much guilt for feeling like I was walking away but in reality the togetherness wasn’t happening when I was here.

Today I decided to weed, and rake, and trim trees, but I will not plant the blossoms I have purchased. Garry is far too busy to look after them and likely feels no need to have them in his life. Mark would only find them an unnecessary bother. While we all loved the acreage for it’s beauty, the effort that is irequired must be shared or it will not work. I learned that last summer when the weeds took over.

So I will pack my flowers and head to town. Tomorrow is another day for taking mom to an appointment. I still need to do her garden and I will use the plants there. She will love them and care for them. And while she can’t do much, she will keep me company as I toil in the dirt.

My goal was to look after three different sets of gardens…. but I realize now that is unrealistic. I shall talk to Garry and Mark and we will decide what is best for the acreage. For me that means it won’t cause stress, but it shouldn’t lose it’s value. I hope that is possible.

Yes, the day was filled with learning, and the day was sad. But from the learning will come peace.

courtneybench

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